Are You a Woman Experiencing Sexual Difficulties?

SEXUAL QUIZ:

  • Do you want to feel more comfortable sexually?
  • Are you single and want to be pro-active to raise your sexual self-image?
  • Ever feel you just can’t ask for what you want sexually?
  • Do you struggle with initiating sexual activity with your partner?
  • Are you successful in your career and other areas of your life and yet feel unfulfilled sexually?
  • Does your body-image effect your sexual expression?
  • Are you concerned about your sex drive?
  • Do you have difficulties with orgasm?
  • Do you ever experience pain with intercourse?
  • Does having sex feel like another chore for you?
  • Do you often have sex “just to get it over with?”
  • Do you often feel too tired to have sex as for a very busy “to do” list?
  • Do you often wish that sex was not part of your relationship?
  • Are you afraid that you might lose your partner as for any of the above?

If you answered yes to some of the questions above, you are not alone. In fact, female sexual problems are quite common. According to a large study reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 1999, they found that 43% of women expressed dissatisfaction with their sex lives at some point. Although most are convinced that it is “in their head”, recent research has clarified that there are often medical issues causing or contributing to the problems. There is a good chance your problem is fairly common and there is also a good chance that it can be treated or alleviated.

Most people do not know where to turn when sexual problems creep up. Unlike diabetes or high blood pressure, sexual issues are not something most people feel comfortable discussing with friends and neighbours. Most women have no trouble sharing intimacies with one another about their lives (e.g. they readily share recipes and share parenting difficulties) but find it almost impossible to talk - even to their best friend - about specific sexual difficulties. When women do talk about what they enjoy in sex, they are likely to avoid giving details and speak only in anonymous generalities. The result is that many women suffer silently whilst at the same time feeling sexual inadequate and abnormal.

Our sexual self-esteem is an integral part of who we are, how we see ourselves, and how we relate to others. In a nutshell, our sexual self-esteem plays a key role in how we see ourselves not only in the bedroom, but also how we feel about ourselves “out of the bedroom.” When a sexual dysfunction develops in either partner, ultimately it will affect both partners and this may cause a great deal of distress.

The following are common female sexual complaints:

Low libido

Diminished sex drive - either as a recent development or those women who feel that they have never had a sex drive at all - is the most common female complaint. According to the 1994 landmark study of researchers at the University of Chicago, 33% of women (one in three women) reported that they had gone through periods of several months when they had no interest in sex.

Over time, desire problems become severe and chronic and couples get stuck in a “persist-resist” battle. Progress occurs when both partners take responsibility for their part in the problem. The goal of treatment is to help create an atmosphere in the relationship that is less pressured, thereby allowing the low desire partner to become more receptive to sex.

Difficulties with Arousal

Some women find it hard to become aroused or “turned on.” Vaginal dryness is characteristic of female sexual arousal disorder. This lack of arousal may be caused by a variety of different things (e.g. hormonal changes, inadequate foreplay before penetration, emotional stress, unresolved conflict with a partner, etc.), but the result is the same: she is insufficiently lubricated and it hurts. It is important to note that although lubrication begins with sexual arousal, being lubricated does not necessarily mean that a woman is ready for intercourse. A more accurate sign for adequate sexual arousal is when the uterus becomes fully elevated and create a tenting effect in the inner vagina. Some women describe this as “feeling bloated and ready for sexual activity.” A woman often uses a lubricant to treat the symptom of dryness (a lubricant should be on every woman’s night table) or the use of hormones to treat the cause of the problem.

Vaginal pain

Pain or difficulty associated with intercourse is a frequent complaint. About one in five American women may experience this problem at some point in her life. A woman who experiences painful intercourse may become reluctant or unable to have sex, which can affect a woman’s mood and self-esteem and strain an intimate relationship. Because of this, it is important to look for solutions to the pain, rather than “grin and bear it” or avoid sex. Women who take charge of the problem and seek active solutions tend to do better emotionally, and have a more intimate relationship with their partners, than women who passively endure the problem.

Orgasm difficulties

Two-thirds of women have orgasms only sometimes or not at all. It is not that women are inherently less orgasmic than men - it is just that most women find they need direct clitoral stimulation. In fact, most women who self-stimulate can reach orgasm without fail. As with other sexual dysfunctions, female orgasm difficulties can stem from physical and emotional causes as well as issues involving the couple’s relationship or sexual practices. Often, it is the result of a combination of factors.